Trying something new--daily reflections.

I've come to accept that I have a very difficult time remembering...well, everything.  So I think it would be useful for me to spend a few minutes everyday writing down highlights.

Here we go:

Peanut spent the night with my dad and step-mom, so Bug and I got to snuggle in this morning.  We nursed and snoozed until about 10:30.  Then we got ready to go see bubbie.  At bubbies I opened the box with piñata stuff for peanuts bday party.  Bubbie and did our usual gossiping, and catching up.  Then we did a run to target for supplies for her birthday.  We ran into the family I used to work for and confirmed they will be at the party.  We got some summer outfits for peanut, and a cute little number I had my eye on for bug.  

Next up, chiro for the bug.  She is awesome.  Spends lots of time with us, and no pressure to bring her in more than we can afford.  Kinda love her!  We then went and had some delicious el g's tacos.  Hadn't had those in for-ev-er.  Made a trip to old navy for tank tops.  You can see through my current ones.  Found a dress I'd been eyeing, but didn't know if was from old navy.  Fate?  I think yes.  It was only $10!  

Went back to bubbies, and changed and nursed Nora.  Waited for mister to get off so we could go pick up peanut at the train station.  Was over the moon to see my peanut!  She seems to have had a super time.  Made me a Mother's Day candle.  

Went back to bubbies and had pizza and the rest of her birthday caka(cake).  Got a monster headache, which never happens to me.  Took an Advil(another never happens).  Drove home.  

Read the rest of the first chapter in my anger book.  Will try to do the exercises honestly with myself here.   

Hopefully as this becomes more regular, ill add reflections...maybe to dos for tomorrow.  But tonight just isn't that night.

Refried beans

1lb pinto beans
2t chili powder
1 1/2 t cumin
1t salt
3 cloves garlic chopped
1 yellow onion diced
1/2 jalapeño diced
Bacon fat
Reserved bean cooking liquid

So, after reading various directions on how to make refried beans, I decided I could do this easily. I always thought it would be really difficult or complex. Uh, not so much.

I soaked the beans for several hours. I'm not going to give an exact amount of time. Somewhere between two hours and overnight sounds good. Or really live on the edge and don't soak at all. You can do that with refried beans. Now rinse them really well, and put them in a pot and cover those pintos with water. Bring to a boil, then simmer for a couple hours. I just do it until they start to get slightly mushy. See how rebellious I am?? I'm not bound by any clocks.

Once they are soft, you want to drain the water, BUT you want to keep it. Next I put a few tablespoons of the bacon fat into a cast iron skillet. Got it nice and hot. Then I added the spices, onion, garlic and jalapeño. Sauté it until its all nice and soft. Now add your pintos. And smash! Smash! Smash! Smash! Just like your might if you we're making mashed potatoes. I found I needed to a some of the cooking liquid to get the right consistency. And of course, that will vary based on your own personal preference. I like to leave a hint of chunk and fairly thick. Just add it a little at a time. I used a ladle. Now your done. See how easy that was? Yum.

I made these once before and they were the best refried beans I've ever had. I did my prep work tonight to make beans with my oven fajitas tomorrow for dinner. If I get really crazy, ill take pictures of this process and post them tomorrow.

Seriously, do yourself a favor and never buy canned refried beans again.

Your welcome.

To Debt and Beyond!

I've talked a little bit about our debt in the past.  One of the main reasons we moved in with the grandparents was to reduce our debt. 
We have definitely done that.  We are down to just a few things.

• Car payment
• 1 credit card
• Some over draft fee's
• 401K loan from my wedding ring

Our goal is to use our tax return to pay almost all of that off.  In just about a year we have virtually wiped out the debt.  Next up we are hoping to get into a ton of debt.  Crazy you may say, and I almost agree with you.
We are hoping to buy a house.  Wait, wait, wait...we need to buy a house.  We can only stay where we are so much longer.  We have worked really hard and I think we deserve to have our own space.  Renting is just so outrageously expensive here.  We are going to buy something somewhere between 1.5-3 hours away.

Buying a house is a huge step.  Its complex, and the information is so confusing.  Here's to hoping we are in our own place in the spring.

Are you a home owner? How was the buying experience?  I'd love to hear about it!
   

The unfocused perfectionist.

The title says it all.  I'm feeling, well...unfocused.  I am going to 30 weeks pregnant with my 2nd baby this Monday.  I've done a small amount of writing her since we got pregnant, but much of it has gone unpublished.  If I try to play catch up here, it will end up in another unpublished post.  That's mostly because I'm somewhat of a perfectionist.

I've been working on my placenta encapsulation certification.  I started in back in February or, maybe  March.  It's been slow going.  The first paper took me several hours.  I wanted to get it just right, and I hadn't written a paper in YEARS.  I was rusty.  The second one went a little faster.  Then I got pregnant.  We found out we were expecting right before the peanuts 2nd birthday.  Then I felt miserable...for months.  Nothing whatsoever got done in that time period.  I even got my first placenta the day before the peanuts birthday.  Do you know where it is right now?  In my freezer.  That's right, I've have a frozen placenta in my freezer since June.  My goal is to have the placenta done by the end of the year.  I also had  the goal of finishing the last of the 5 papers done by the end of November.  I think that brings us to today.  Bubbie watched the peanut, so I could work on paper four.  I read some but I didnt get any writing done.  It takes me forever to get into my groove.  Normally by the time that rolls around, my time is over.  Ugh.  Well, I never even got close today.  I have other things on my mind...

Baby.  This baby is constantly in my ribs on the right side.  I'm nowhere near as big as I was with the peanut, and at the 20 weeks scan baby was breech.  We just had a prenatal visit on Tuesday.  The midwife thought baby was head down, but posterior.  I just instinctively feel like baby is not in the optimal position.  It's really starting to bother me.  I'm starting to think about worst case scenarios.    I've been starting to look at spinning babies. I've done 2 of the techniques today, and I think she may be moving around a little more. We'll see I guess.  I'm definitely getting a little obsessive about it.  The midwife talked about doing an ultrasound at the next appointment which will be at 33 weeks.  I'm kind of undecided as to whether or not I like that idea.  I'd like to go to a chiropractor, but I'm not sure we can afford that.  And speaking of finances...

We are closer than ever to paying off all the debt!  I think all we have left is my car, and two or three other things.  90% of what is left will be payed off when we get our taxes back.  It's so nice to have the money come in and not have it already all be spoken for.  We have even managed to keep a very small amount of money in our savings account for the last couple of weeks.  We are getting closer, and closer to our goal of owning a home of our very own.  I can't wait to be in our own space.  I hope its soon.  My mister has been working hard on raising his credit score, and we payed all his debt first.  I probably won't be on the house for a while, as I have no income and a less than stellar credit score.  I got him some books about buying homes at the library today while I was supposed to be working on my paper. 

I guess that's all for now, maybe I should go work on my paper...

the aha moment

We have been living with my grandparents since about new years.  There have been many ups and downs.  I appreciate all the help they have given us during our stay, and we have done much that we set out to do. We have greatly reduced our debt.  To the tune that we are negative $50+ dollars in our bank account right now, but once get get positive again (next Wednesday) we can cross another creditor off our list.  Yay!!

We had planned to finish the basement apartment below my grandparents house.  However, in the close to 9 months we have been her so much has changed.  My husbands uncle died in early March, and a couple weeks later my grandma got diagnosed with lung cancer.  My grandma. My rock. My everything for so long.  Cancer.  She did radiation, and some chemo.  The tumor has shrunk.  We are waiting to hear if the chemo killed it or if it just shrunk it.  You'd never know she was/is sick.  She continued doing everything she did before.  She is incredible.

Well somewhere along the way the Mister and I decided we didn't want to live here indefinitely.  We can't do some of the things we thought we could. Things that are very important to us. Garden organically.  Cloth diaper.  Live without being told everything we do/think is wrong. 

My grandfather decided that he didn't want to build the apartment either with all the things that are going on, and I understand and respect that.  Plus it got me out of telling him we dont want to live in it anyway.  Score. 

Before we moved up here almost everyone in my family told us it was a bad idea.  They were right and I admit it.  My brother lived up her for two years before we moved in, and I can see the same ugly pattern emerging with our stay.  Nothing is good enough for grandpa.  Nothing.  I can do something the same way twice, and just because its right the first time doesn't guarantee it will be the second time.

But I've had an epiphany.  I don't have to try to please him.  It feels so good to say that, and boy does it take off the pressure.  I don't need or want his approval.  Up until this point, I wanted that so very much.

I am just going to attempt to do my best, and not let him get under my skin until we move out.  When will that be?  Where will that be?  I can't say right now.  But I'm just going to put one foot in front of the other, and know we will get there eventually.  

Not pregnant

The test this morning was negative.  My Bbt was still up so I know I'm not going to start bleeding today, but uh.  I feel so hollow in my chest.  It aches.  I feel like I lost a baby.  I just feel like the world is spinning around me.  I feel sick.  Then there is this tiny glimmer of me hoping the test will be wrong, and I am pregnant.  I think we need to really start our paleo diet.  I want to start trying to run.  I want all the thoughts in my head to stop.  Conflicting things.  We want a house, we need to make more money.  I want to start meditating.  Trying to breathe here.  I just want to run away.  This makes me question what I want to do with my life.  I think of everything in catastrophic ways.  What if I can't get pregnant, ever.  Sometimes I just want to jump out of my skin.  I feel so guilty. 

For now my goal will be simply to put one foot in front of the other. 

Pregnancy?

Okay...so its been quite some time since I posted here.  There has been a lot of stuff going on since the last post in the end of March.  I didn't do all the things I set out to in that post.  I got my period in April (on my birthday).  So this month I got the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility.  Somewhat of a birthday present.  Ha Ha!  I started taking my Basal Body Temperature, and I got an ovulation prediction kit.  So we definitely did the baby dance on all the right days.  Enter the 2 week wait.  My period is due to arrive this Thursday May 24th. 

Now, I've had a good feeling about this month.  I've had a small amount of nausea.  It comes and goes, but haven't felt any in the past few days.  I've  been craving guacamole and blue cheese.  Then I drop of the peanut with my dad and step-mom on Saturday night, and almost before I get in her door she asks if I'm pregnant.  So I tell her about how I don't know yet, but have a good feeling about this month.  She tells me she thinks I am and it's a girl!  Then later that night my mom asks me if I've been "feeling" anything.  Yesterday my friend who knows we have been trying asks me how its going.  It's all too much for me.  I decide I can't wait any longer to test.  I tell my friend and my step-mom I'm going to test in the morning.  I'll let them know how it goes.

So, I go to the store.  Get the least expensive box, with 3 tests!  Are you guessing where I'm going with this?  Cheaper in not better in some situations, and this may be one of them.  I decide the test as soon as I get home.  I mean I have 3 test, right?!  Oh, man.  At first it looks like its negative.  Then I noticed a super faint pink line!!  I think, yay!!!!! I'm pregnant.  I'm excited,  in a good mood, don't feel tired at all because, I'M PREGNANT!!  I assume the faint line is because I tested at night.  I'll get the nice dark line in the morning.      

7am:  I can't wait anymore I want that dark sure positive.  I take the stick and dip it in my pee.  It looks negative.  Uh.  Wait, wait!  It look just like the one last night...I guess only time will tell.

I tried to upload a picture of the tests, but the lines don't even show up on the picture.  Oh well.

Anyone else have a super light positive turn into a baby?  I'd love to hear about it!